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maddie86
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November 2016
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December 2012
thank you!! 🙂 i hope you have a great night tonight and that 2013 is a better year! xxxx
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December 2012
thank you julie 🙂 i hope that 2013 is a better year for everyone on here! i hope you have many happy moments xox
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December 2012
So its been one month since my beautiful man earnt his wings early... and to be honest ive been feeling ok considering. Its almost like i feel like im doing something wrong because i have been ok.. dont get me wrong im not runing along picking daisys but im not in bed crying my eyes out every single day... i do still have those days but i feel like i want to see life now.. if anything he taught me to stop moping around and start living. I feel so sad when i see his photo or soo very sad seeing our wedding pictures but then i can hear him say 'come on you'l be ok'.. if anything good was to come out of this awful situation is that life is to short! i really hope 2013 brings me nothing but happiness... i know there will be days when i wont be happy and i will miss him like crazy but i just want to be happy from now on.. im only 26 but feel as if ive aged 20 years! i hope everyone on here has a better year next year.. it seem like everyone i know has had something happen this year... not the best year!
xoxox
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December 2012
hey hunny i feel your pain... my hubby who unfourntatly passed away so fast lived with cancer for two years but a different type (colon).. he had so many surgeries, chemo and radio.. just before our wedding he got terrible back pain and from there on we found out it was his liver... he lasted four weeks once his liver was really failing... i know how hard it is you just want to be happy and think some miracle will happen but please always keep in the back of your mind that things might not happen the way you want... im sorry to be so down but i was given a lot of false hope and they told me he would be here for christmas and maybe new year... when he wasnt i got angry and felt lied to.. i really hope you get your miracle! sleeping is a sign that they are tired of the cancer and feel the need to let go.. my new hubby slept ages he was on dex, morphine, but the biggest one was midazalam which is given to a very sick terminally ill patitent... you sound young and im sorry you are going thorugh this.. if you ever want to know anything or need to chat im here :)
xox
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December 2012
thank you both... well i hope your christmas's were ok to.. surprisingly i had a better day yesterday as i was surrounded by noisy kids and family and it was good to just vent... xo
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December 2012
Its my birthday today... and im sad 😞 my first birthday without my beloved husband... he wouldve woken me up with kisses and cuddles and made me breakfast in bed... this time last year we were in new york having the time of our lives.. now im alone and missing him so badly... :'( its been four weeks... still so raw and fresh... i just want to get this week over and done with... i hope this time next year i will be typing a different blog...
:(
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December 2012
oh no you poor thing 😞 yeah i dont get people sometimes not one bit... i find now that people are 'over it' hearing me go on and on about him.. its like just because he was so ill for so long doesnt mean im over him! its like they are over hearing my story... im not. Grief is another thing.. living with cancer is shit to! they are both so horrible i dont know which one is worse... if it makes you feel any better the only good thing i think now is 'omg.. no more apointments, scans, waiting, thinking, wishing, hoping....'.. because there isnt that cancer cloud over my head right now.. now i can finally focus on one thing... xo
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December 2012
im a young widow but dont have any kids (dont know if thats good or bad) but i still feel the pain of not being with my husband 😞 i miss him so terribly and everyday is hard... especially with the christmas stuff coming up... xo
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December 2012
hey there.. im not proud to say this but when my husband was alive he gave me a few when i had really bad back pain (i get sciatica) and i found myself asking for them more and more.. they are so addictive and they give u this 'high' but of course when he passed away i had no way of taking them so i got the withdrawls to... like cold sweats and aches and feeling super anxious... silly thing to take but when your in so much pain and emotional pain u do silly things...
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