Hi Maggie, I can understand how difficult it is to adjust after everything has finished. I was 'fine' while my husband was going through chemo, but it was about twelve months after that I had a breakdown. I just couldn't let go of what had happened- I guess it was only after the 'to do' list finished that I had the opportunity to process everything. Counselling helped me adjust to the 'new normal', and realising that everything had changed- some things got worse, and some things got better. It's really common for people to feel this way. Give yourself time, and be gentle with yourself- you've been through a hell of a lot. Sending gentle hugs, Emily ... View more

Hi Ruby, I'm glad you've found this forum- you're definitely not alone. I haven't had cancer (My husband was diagnosed with non-Hodgin's lymphoma in 2011), so I can't see things from your perspective, but I know enough to imagine how tough surviving cancer three times must be! Was it the same type of cancer three times, or three diferrent types? (If you don't mind me asking). I hope this psychologist is a really good fit for you. Please stay involved in this forum, it's a really good place to vent/ask/whatever. One of the best bits is you can access it 24 hours a day. Love and hugs, Emily ... View more

Hi Tonka, my husband has been in remission from stage 4 Follicular Lymphoma for 5 years. He is now 45, and healthier than ever. (He discovered a love of cycling and began eating much healthier about 2 years ago, and has lost 27 kilos since that time- for most of his adult life he had been overweight and quite sedantry.) I hope this is encouraging for you- you have many possibilities! love Emily ... View more

Hi Mrs B, my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 non-Hodgkin's lymphoma in 2011, and I can remember feeling like this too. I can't give you any words of advice, but know I'm putting comforting arms around you now. The only advice I can give is just to take one day (or even one hour, if one whole day seems to daunting) at a time. lots of love and hugs for you, Emily ... View more

Hi Alina, one of the most difficult things about caring for someone with cancer is having to be a passenger. Unfortunately there is nothing you can say or do to get your Mum to do what she doesn't want to do. She may just need time to adjust to what has gone on. I was fortunate that my husband coped with his chemotherapy very well, so I can't imagine what you must be going through, but I do understand the powerlessness and fear that comes from your situation. I think the best thing you can do is let your Mum know you want to help her in any way you can, and then let her come to you if she wants you to do anything. In the meantime, make sure you're taking care of yourself as well- you need to be in good condition to be able to help your Mum. It may also be worthwhile talking to a Counsellor about your concerns- see if they can think of any ways to help. Sending love and hugs, Emily ... View more

Hi Win, I'm sorry to say this is probably just a fairytale (to make a profit?). If soursop really was effective, Oncologists would prescribe it. On the other hand, anything is worth trying (it can't hurt, right?), just make sure you're not being charged a lot of money for it, and check the expected side effects. It's probably also wise to check if and how it will interact with the medication your husband has already had, or is having. I wish you and him all the best. love Emily. xx ... View more

Hi Jen, I think one of the hardest things about being a partner and carer is having to be the 'passenger' in this situation. You can only help your partner as much as he will let you, and only in the ways he will let you. I think it's good that you've taken a step back and are concentrating on your health at the moment. Seeing how much this helps you might encourage him to talk to someone as well. I wish you both heaps of good things. Hugs, Emily ... View more

Urgh! What a terrible situation. I'm so glad you posted here so we can be with you through this (virtually, anyway.) Sending hugs to you and your partner, Emily ... View more

Ah, the elephant in the room. I'm so glad you posted this! It needs to be talked about more, and I think couples, particularly young couples, need to be given advice about this. My husband had chemotherapy in 2011. We were asked to attend an education session beforehand where we learned about physical side effects such as fatigue, dealing with bodily fluid spills safely, and dealing with dietary issues, but nothing was mentioned at all about the likely effects on our intimacy. It was self evident that sex was not going to be on the agenda for the duration of the chemo (because of cytotoxicity and fatigue), but it was never actually talked about, which meant that I for one was not prepared for my bout of enforced celibacy, and didn't handle it as well as I would have liked to-I felt more like a single mother than a wife and got really cranky about the topic, which only made things worse. I was also reluctant to approach my husband for anything physical, because I didn't want to fatigue him more. I was quietly appalled when, near the end of the six months, while I was anticipating things getting back to 'normal', we were told there would likely be a six to twelve month recovery period! In the end my husband got his full energy back after about four months, and I realise that's pretty quick compared with some, but I still wish we had have been better prepared. I haven't heard of any supports to deal with this issue. I've been a member of a support group for young adults dealing with cancer (I was 35 and my husband was 39 when he was diagnosed) for about 5 years, and the issue has never been touched on. Obviously it is deeply personal, but it is something people need to be coached through, or at least informed about, so they can plan for it. ... View more

Hi Mrs B, a lot of what you are saying is familiar to me (epsecially the middle paragraph). My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 incurable cancer in 2011, at age 39 (I was 35). I promise you're not going mad. And please don't apologise about feeling angry! It's a perfectly normal and healthy response to your situation. I've prayed that God will give you what you need to get through each day. Sending lots of hugs, Emily ... View more