September 2023
So sorry for your loss. My Dad was in his seventies and that was hard to watch, I can only image how difficult it has been watching your young bother’s life change so dramatically. The end is brutal. All I can offer is that with time, the tears and bursts of grief do come less often, at least that has been true for me. Remember the good times shared and perhaps focus on a to do list of things you think he would have loved to see or do with you. Speak his name often so those around you can experience what he meant to you and offer their support. Good luck.
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May 2019
Thanks Tam what a beautiful phrase has brought me to tears again. Dads birthday today so I suppose I got through the day yes the gut wrenching pain is relentless... thanks for taking the time to msg me. Cheers Ben
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May 2019
1 Kudo
Hi Ben42, I think you did the right thing in reaching out to this group. Friends quite often don't know what to say on the topic of cancer & death, so they don't say anything. For a lot of people death is too confronting & they don't want to put themselves in a position which might make them feel vulnerable or uncomfortable, so they clam up. Then they have less & less contact with you because they know you will want to talk about it. It may be only people who have lost someone who meant a great deal to them that can communicate about death on the same wave length as you. I know it's hard to muster up strength to leave the house, but sitting at home & not venturing out is probably the worst thing you can do. Take a walk in the morning, get some sunshine (before winter sets in) as it's amazing how that can lift the spirits. Go to the library or put your name down to volunteer at a hospital/cancer clinic near you. You never know, you may find it helpful for you to be helping others who are going through what you have been through. Take care of yourself Ben, as life goes on. Best wishes Budgie
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May 2019
Hi Peter I am so sorry for your loss I understand the pain and frustration trying to deal with such grief. I lost my father to colon cancer 2 months ago and was his full time carer . He was my best friend and losing him has broken me and like you I hate being a sad sack but some days it's hard to be anything otherwise. I wish you all the best . Cheers Ben
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April 2019
Ben, I am so so sorry. I can not imagine what you are going through and what you have gone through. I hope you have support around you. Devastated. Please take care. Xxxxxx
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March 2019
Approximately 31 years ago when I was 27, my father passed from colon cancer. My dad was not in my life that much as my parents divorced when I was 13. My family was REALLY disfunctional since the words "I love you" were never used. The one and only time I heard those words from my dad was shortly before he died, and only over the phone (he was in Germany for experimental treatments). Tell your dad how much you love him, let him hear those words. Talk to him. Share your life with him. He loves you. Spend whatever time you can with him talking about his life and yours. As a mom of two adult children (27 and 23), believe me when I say that you have already made him proud in big and small ways by just being you. If you can, find a good therapist to provide support. I'm sorry that you are traveling through this loss, my heart goes out to you.
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February 2019
Hello Ben. Cath here. My son has advancer stage four bowel cancer and it's terrible but I want to congratulate you for doing what you are for your dear dad. When my dad developed cancer my siblings and I took turns to live at his house and care for him. We did it in pairs ( sometimes siblings or our partners etc). In the end two were needed to help Dad toileting, washing etc. . In the end Dad died in his own home with us with him. You are doing an amazing job. Be clear with the palliative care nurses re what you need. The local chemist may also be very helpful and you could perhaps go and see your dad's doctor ( take a list) with questions. Your dad is very lucky to have you. Those nights can be lonely and frightening when dealing with what you are. At the least, knowing there are others out there who understand and care for what you are going through, might, I hope, help a little. PS. Try to have a nap during the day when your dad sleeps or you will wear yourself out. Cath
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January 2019
2 Kudos
Hi Meek My father was diagnosed approx 5 months ago and is terminal. I walked away from my job about 1 1/2 months ago as he has deteriorated rapidly and was hospitalised about a month ago for a week when we thought we would lose him then. I care for him 24/7 as he needs assistance with almost everything I have found my new role as a carer quite challenging and extremely lonely existence. And yes financially it is very difficult as I've had to apply for Centrelink now. Although there are several issues to face I am getting to spend valuable time with my father in his final chapter of life which is heartbreaking but also rewarding that I can be there to help and so he knows his not alone in this journey. I wish you all the best with your decision. cheers
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