Hi Ashes    are you still there?  ... View more

Hi Phil,    Happy New Year! I hope you’re well. I’ve been away for quite sometime and I wanted to thank you very much for your last message to me. Thank you for giving me a different perspective...apologies for not replying sooner.   My best friend and I are doing well now...Since I last posted Ive come to realise many things about myself..... and in this process I knew needed to change my thinking and my focus. Going through this cancer journey has awakened me and made me feel more present than I ever did in my whole life. I now understand that the fears and anger I was so carefully trying to disguise was finding ways to lash out. It wasn’t about her, it was all about me. She was only doing her best to care for me, love me and she was scared as well.   I’ll continue to do my best to understand others around me and how this affects them. thank you again for your kind words and understanding.  Tarari x       ... View more

I hope your remaining time with your kids is filled with as much love, happiness, emotional nourishment as possible.   Just a couple of quick suggestions , if that's OK:   1) sounds like you're relying heavily (and solely) on the advice of your oncologist ?  Ask about immunology trials, as the science is heavily heading in that direction.  My step-father (who did eventially die) had Stage 4 pancreatic cancer, metastasised throughout his body.  He was given 6 weeks to live.  On an immunology trial, he managed to stretch that out for about 5 years.  If there is anywhere that you are a candidate to jump on the scientific bandwagon and get some immunology-oriented drugs, it might give you more time (who knows, in future maybe even turn it around ? *) * sorry if that creates unrealistic hope, but personally I reckon any kind of hope is worth reaching for, even to our last breath   2) Consider making some videos for upcoming birthdays and moments (that you will hopefully be there for).  Especially for the 2 year old, the future person she becomes may really cherish a chance to understand who her mother was, what kind of weird hobbies and ideas she had, that kind of thing.  Don't go the morbid "ohh I loved you so much, waah waah waah" route but rather tell stories about your life, articulate your thoughts and feelings and hopes about hers.  And for the ten year old, be mindful of grief on her young mind and the great memories she already has.  I'd make videos in that context "remember when we went bushwalking ? ha-ha.  I miss you, but above all else I want you to be happy."  You know what I mean .. something in the context of suffering a major loss and coming to terms with it .. not scratching at the wound and stopping it from healing but rather helping her navigate to that place. (**) ** hopefully that doesnt TAKE AWAY hope, but at the end of the day I just wanted to suggest it as I think it's a really nice way to connect the past you to the present you and into the future them   All the best & good luck ... View more

Hi, how are you?  Felt really worried about you as you seem like you are really struggling with the fear of cancer,  you were amazing how you could write it all down. Very impressive.  Lots of thoughts that we all feel but don’t have your courage, so thank you.     Hope you gage have received all the medical information that you need that will give you strength.  Biggest advice........  breathe,    Inhale......exhale........ 10 times.....   Please take care, xxxxxxxxxx ... View more

Dear one who is so loved. It’s OK..we all stand with you.. we walk beside you and lift you up when you fall. We’ve been in the same place as you. Fatigue is enormous.. Daily walks helped me although towards  the end of chemo I couldn’t even manage that. You are special and unique..choose from your loved ones, one who listens and tell them how it is for you.. Go gently...  We are all with you... ... View more

Ben, I am so so sorry.  I can not imagine what you are going through and what you have gone through.  I hope you have support around you.  Devastated.  Please take care.  Xxxxxx ... View more