Dearest Steve... I also had no support during chemo and after. I've lost nearly all my friends. Not one has asked how I am and how I'm doing. Not only did my friends desert me my parents also did. Kicked me out of the apartment they had for me while going through chemo...they said I complained to much and shunned me even more for taking pain pills. I had become a junkie to them. Why can people not understand this horrible disease? I am 6 months out of chemo and still feel i haven't gotten a clear answer if is gone. every time i went to dr. It was everything looks great only to go into the hospital for SOB and be told there were three lymph nodes they were still looking at. My symptoms have started again. I feel abandoned from every corner. Dealing with cancer i thought would be the worst..no..now i have neuropathy and absolutley miserable. I'm scared and fed up that i may never get back to normal.
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Hi Lizyole, look dear, this is not a waiting game. Cancer does not wait for man or beast and putting off a needle biopsy for another ten days is not wise.
I know, I know, the holiday is much needed and you are looking forward to it, but IF it is cancer you have in your neck and the lymph glands around it are swollen, then it is NOT a waiting game - it is a DO IT NOW game :(
Get the biopsy and then go on the holiday. If the biopsy is clear you will have a happier time, and if it isn't I think you might find the doctors will move quickly and you will have the holiday later.
Please don't wait okay?
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Oh wow, I missed your comment for some reason Jo - sorry! You are absolutely right. When I meditate and it guides me to envision myself where and how I see myself in the future - I feel strength and happiness in the belief that I will be on my own, supporting myself, doing what I love best (writing and connecting). I won't feel guilty, I will feel empowered and strong. That's what gets me through. I know what I really want to do, but I don't want to cut my nose off in spite myself. I want to do it when it is the best time for ME physically and emotionally. I want it to be to my timing and reasons. If I had my way, my book would sell thousands and I would live in Brighton (city by the sea) and indulge in art and people. What could be better? A huge part of my recovery is about giving something back and feeling like part of my community. Having problems bigger than myself to focus on.
My whole family has been suffering from Swine Flu. I was so worried about my partner that I called the doctor during the weekend to arrange antibiotics for his chest infection. I so focused on getting him better, I forgot to think about myself! Two days later I'm now on antibiotics twice the strength of his because I waited so long. I was sooooo angry with myself for doing that. I'm trying so hard to break free of those chains that hold me back from loving me. i don't want to be nice and conform anymore! I want to shout and shake my fist and tell people what I really think when they walk all over me. No more - choose another girl to do your dirty work.
Then I think, why can't I be as nice to him as I am to fellow cancer survivors? Why don't I have as much empathy for his problems as I do for ours? I've been chatting with Bernie Sigel, author of 'Love, Medicine and Miracles, and he says I think to much. I need to concentrate more on what I FEEL. Not easy for a control freak - lol!
I really appreciate your energy and reassurance that I am heading in the right direction. It's also refreshing to hear from somebody who was once in a very similar circumstance to me. No doubt you know only to well that feeling of hopelessness.
Thank you Jo! LLx
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You have the same mantra as me "if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got".
I'll have a better look through later I noticed you also have photos of your boys, they are beautiful all 4 of them 🙂
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A bit late to this thread, but I agree with the "blame road". There are probably lots of contributing factors as to why we get cancer, one of those just "bad luck". Why did one of my mother's DNA's warp? Why also did we manage to have such a strong "line" in our family (4 of 4 direct descendents with the gene and 4 of 5 grandchildren with the gene). I just try to accept that this can happen and was "meant" to occur - would not have made any difference with change of lifestyle. Some cancers, such as melanoma can mostly be avoided, a large number of lung cancers can be avoided - but NOT all - with lifestyle choices. I also believe that we have to enjoy ourselves while we are alive, and the things that supposedly have a chance of causing cancer (carcinogens) can change as research is done. So, we have to decide on enjoy life to the fullest and live with the consequences, including other diseases, live stringently along the "safe" lines and hope that we don't get anything bad (impossible to do so), or live in moderation and enjoy the "bad things" now and then to give our lives some "fun".
I think that as long as you are happy with your decisions about how you live, and that you accept any consequence, then just go ahead and do so. I find that as long as I try not to "hurt" anyone else, especially deliberately, and try to help others where I can put my energy, then I am happy with my life.
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In relation to support from family and friends during cancer treatment,I found the emotional aftermath of cancer the most difficult experience of all. I could deal with surgery, chemo and radio but I was ill equiped to deal with the disappointment of what I thought were close relationships with some family and friends, relationships that proved to be not as strong as I believed.
I found that discovering the weaknesses not the strengths of some relationships, heartbreaking.
I believe I went through a mourning process for the loss of the relationship with my sister, a sister I had always believed would be there for me, but she wasn't. We still talk, not as often, I can't feel the same closeness, and this really cuts me to the bone. I taught my son, to love his family, family will be there to love and to help you when you need it, I believed that myself. Now I realise that I have to re-evaluate those ideals.
Some friends disappeared, maybe because most of my energy was concentrated on treatment and I had little left for socialising, or maybe because they didn't know what to say, I don't know for sure.
I lost my sense of humour for a time, not many understand what it feels like to loose the humour in life, but to me it was important.
I went on a search for "ME", I read books, I went to forums about "Living well after cancer" and to "A day with Petrea King", I joined a support group (which I highly recommend)and I joined this website.
I still have a way to go but I am feeling stronger and happier with each new day.
Cancer changes the direction of your life, it is a sudden change, most of us find change of any kind hard to cope with but I guess learning to adapt our behaviour and responses to others behaviour, ultimately will benefit our own mindset and health.
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Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.