Bob i am exactly the same Tracy was my world and as it was with you nothing else mattered as i had what i needed, now its so hard to move forward and learn how to be alone again but i think i am getting there, at my pace, we arent built to handle the grief very well, well i aint anyway. Yes coming home to no one is hard although i do have the dog and the cat so i make sure i have some time with them as sure they miss Tracy too. I have Tracys ashes on a shrine i have for her just inside the door , she is the first thing i see and greet when i enter, and like you i talk to her too, we do what helps us get through this time. Our situations are so alike but we are so far apart but by sharing our grief i think it makes it better. My grief has shifted to Loneliness now thats what i find hard, yes i have my two sons but its not the same as you would know. If there is one minute positive out of this atleast my Tracy wont have to go through growing old and ending up being looked after in a nursing home, weird as that may seem thats what i think about but then going through what we are going through my mind thinks about a lot . I think its my minset of my grief at the moment. Yesterday i could see myself ending up in that dark cloud that follows me so i decided i was getting on my Spyder three wheeler and i was going to try and enjoy the beautiful day that had presented itself, i think Tracy made that happen to help me, well thats what i am believing anyway. The ride was good but it also gave me time to think about her and yes it would cause it to rain in my helmet which is ok. As each day comes Bob i think i am slowely learning but nothing will ever replace Tracy, she will always be in my hart and i will make sure her legacy goes on in what ever form that will be. Motovation to keep moving ahead is hard to come by but i have to keep going forward, Tracy wouldnt want me to dwell, even though at the moment that is hard to even beleive that but i must and i will.
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