Blogs - Page 217

Friday was my 2nd dose in round two of chemotherapy in the last 2 years. I am not sure how I am feeling at the moment as my Dr has told me that if they can not see the Chemo working after two doses then the hospital will not approve any more due to costs. 😞 I am trying to stay positive and strong for my children but my fears are all starting to come back and I find myself thinking "WHAT IF" ... what if it doesnt work, what if they tell me there is no hope. I am scared and feel like no one understands.

Lymph nodes were not cancerous.I'm glad I didn't worry because it would've been a waste .On Monday week I am having my next MRI. The December one was ok and I decided not to worry about this one.I really feel that it will show no cancer and if it does it will be dealt with and worrying beforehand will achieve nothing. I am even surprising myself with such a positive attitude. All my negativity is only to do with my altered facial appearance.

Cancer first came into my life when I was 13 years old. It was found in the parotid gland of my Dad's neck. It was 1972, and the boat my Dad had spent a year building was sitting in our backyard, unsailed, and unused, while he was in hospital, having survived the removal of most of the subcutaneous tissue, muscle, and lymph glands on the right side of his neck and upper shoulder. Since that time in my life, the roll-call of cancer experiences has been frequent and at times, insidious. Mum experienced eye, liver, and brain cancer, and passed away when I was 19.

I have been caring for my husband for several years now and just have had enough. I try my hardest to give him the best care I can but I just have this overwhelming feeling of wanting it all to end so he can be at peace. I cant see how our lives will ever get any better, only more treatments, appointments and him feeling awful which then I get the brunt of. I am struggling so much. Getting time to myself is such a difficult thing. I do it but it is so hard. It feels so bad and selfish to want this to end. Feel so trapped and depressed.

YAHOOOOO, THANK GOD MY RADIATION IS OVER, still having side effects and I was told they can last for another two weeks but I'm over the moon anyway :)). 2 weeks off and then chemo again, my third cycle which they said is going to be a lot harder then the previous two have to get ready to loose my hair, lot worse side effects ...... 😞 don't want to think about it right now want to enjoy my 2 weeks as much as possible 🙂

Today has been absolutely superb. Thank the good Lord for my family who have come to Qld to stay with me as long as I need them to. My brother and sister in law really are angels of the purest kind. On May the 15th 2011 my partner passed away very, very, unexpectedly from a brain bleed as my family was in transit to Qld.