Blogs - Page 254

Well remission was short lived but the holiday was sooooooo worth it. Just back from stay at the hospital, had radiation and starting chemo again on Monday.........go from there.

i just am writing this because i feel the need to vent! i get so jealous when my friend are talking about their happy lives, making future plans with their partners.. how can i do that when my partner has cancer? i knw i should be happy for them but i feel so down and depressed latley seeing other people happy only makes me feel worse.. i actually like it when other people have problems. Isnt that horrible of me? i just wish my life was back to the way it used to be.. id give anything! 😞

Dad passed away @ 3.15am today after fighing one bloody tough battle. Im numb,im sad, im relieved, im angry, im hurt, im frustrated, i feel sick, i want to curl up in a ball, I want to be there for my mum, I want to be alone...I don't know what I want! I know I have been preparing for this and even as late as 8pm last night was talking to mum about the process and that I had been talking to a celebrant in relation to the service dad has said he wants. Now its real. I will grieve and I know thats okay. Im glad I got to see him today, kiss him, hug him and help him when he needed it.

i feel so horrible.. my bf last night told me he didnt know if he wanted to be with me or not coz he wasnt sure if he could give me the future i wanted... he has aggressive bowel cancer. I cried and he cried then he told me he loved me and he didnt want to break up. I love him so much i couldnt imagine life without him. I know he was only saying it in my best interest but i cant help but feel hurt 😞 i just want to spend 24-7 with him i know i cant. Im deciding to stick by him but i do admit i am afraid of what could happen.. how would i cope? this sucks 😞

You know what?, when you all go silent as I walk pass you at the school gates, I notice.....you don't hide it very well. I know I don't look so great these days and I may seem a bit aloof, however I am trying really hard to do as you all suggest "get on with it" "look after myself" "be strong for the kids"...... It really has amazed me how quickly the phone has become silent.

My son looks at me with tears in his eyes... I ask him how he is feeling and he replies, "I am scared to think about the good memories mum" I ask him "why?" He replies "because the good memories are good then I remember I wont be able to make any more with dad" "who will I look up to now mum?" He starts to sob, so I pull him to me and hold him. I can't say anything, not one word can be said because I am fighting the gut wrenching lump in my throat and I feel like vomiting. All I can do is hold him.