Blogs - Page 253

It is very dark, very rainy and I just can't sleep. Yesterday Centrelink cut Bob's pension off as I earn too much per fortnight. Sorry for having an education and a job! Can I just say it is not the money I am worried about- although $80 a fortnight was petrol in the car.....We have also lost his pension card, and as he is on quite a substantial amount of medication- this is enough to push us over the edge financially. I know that his health is the most important thing in the world, but we need a place to live and m y kids need an education, and perhaps we may need to eat now and then.....

so i just thought id write this as another way to vent. Went to oncologist with my bf before chemo weds, he made him sign a form for medicare benefits ticking the 24 months or less box. He said 'i dont know what will happen but your cancer is agressive so we tick this box for now'. It made me feel so upset... i sat with him at chemo thinking and getting upset. I hate not knowing what might happen to him.. makes me feel sick. He's quite posative and in the right mind frame but its scary.. i cried myself to sleep beside him when he was asleep.

I wish I could make it easier for them, it is not fair that they have to be in pain because I am sick. Their hope gets built up when tumours shrink , just to be slammed down when it comes back quicker than we thought. They don't deserve this!!!Human power for hope is such that it will always take over despite what we know to be true. It is so hard each time to tell them that it is following its course , the only unknown is how long! They say I have to do all the treatments just in case, but it hurts so much to see their pain. I think perhaps quicker would be better for all.......

Another chapter has begun......My darling husband has a newish tumour on his spinal column that needs radiotherapy. On the upside- this is what could be causing the crazy unrelenting pain. On the downside- we are yet to learn how many treatments, where they will take place (at a private hospital 10 minutes from us, or the public hospital in Brisbane- over an hour away), what the side effects are, what the outcomes will be. At every turn there are just more questions. Part of me thanks God for Google, although sometimes too much knowledge is dangerous!

Hi Guys. My husband has just been in to hospital to receive his Avistan injection and we are about to head off to Perth to begin our three week trip to America. We are spending 2 days in Santa Monica,5 days in Toronto visiting relatives as well as going to Niagra Falls,6 days in Knoxville Iowa for speedway,5 nights at Treasure Island Hotel in Las Vegas (husband is going to drive a ferrari & a lambourgini for 10 laps around Las Vegas Speedway) then a day and a half in Beverly Hills.(Then home for more treatment and an MRI)

Try as I might to only think about the lovely happy memories and my beautiful 31 years with my mum, unwanted thoughts keep creeping into my head that are making me feel extra sad, and even a bit guilty, which, rationally, I know isn't warranted.. For some reason my mind is going to certain times, before she got sick, when I might've been in a bad mood and not as nice to Mum as I could've been.. or times when I should have done something with her but didn't..