Husband angry and upset

[Beanz2020]

It’s such a hard situation to be in and at the same time with coping with all the mood swings and everything else you’re still expected to be “the rock”. I’ve found the Cancer Council helpline very supportive. They might be able to suggest some support services, you can’t take it all onboard yourself.

[Alwk]

Thanks I think I will definitely contact the helpline. I’m trying to be everything to everyone but i am failing. Time to get some help. Melbourne lockdowns also not helping this situation. 

[Susan61]

Unfortunately, I’m finding this type of behavior is a common theme for many spouses.  I finally went to my doctor and he put me on some anti-anxiety meds and it’s helped tremendously. 
You are definitely not alone and it does help knowing there are others going through a similar situation.  Have you told your husband that you refused to be treated badly?  It is not your fault he has cancer.  You did not do this to him.  I’m at the point where I call my husband out on the things he says and let it be known I won’t put up with it.  It has improved but he still has his moments.  Hang in there. 

[Juleforti]

Hi Lovely Ladies

I too have found this group really helpful if only because I know I'm not alone.  This behaviour from my husband is unacceptable but not unexpected, I find it a no win situation, I've tried calling it out but then I just get the guilt speech that it would be better if he just died as it's such an inconvenience etc etc etc.  But the thing is I know I'm the stronger one, if the shoe was on the other foot he could not do all I do, working full-time, looking after three kids, juggling the money because he's had to give up work and now nurse and caretaker.  Do whatever you need to take care of yourself, the nurse at the cancer clinic told me it's just like a falling airplane, you have to put your face mask on first.  Take care and thanks for listening. X

[Timmsy70]

Hi ladies

It certainly does help knowing you are not the only one suffering. Sadly, in all too many cases, mental health is not treated hand in hand with the cancer. In my experience, it is barely even recognised. My husband has been under the care of a psychiatrist since 2014 - long before cancer. He has suffered from anxiety for years and now with cancer is also suffering from depression. While he was having his “end of life crisis” and having a relationship with the young Asian lady on line who he thought he was going to have a life with if he survives (which he’s not to) I got the responses from his psychiatrist “I don’t see a problem with him taking comfort in someone online” and “what would you have me do push him into a state of despair “. Meanwhile, he had run away from home no longer wanting to be a husband and father and literally one step away from homelessness but the health professionals basically turned a blind eye as long as he was turning up for his chemo. I felt I was going mad and banging my head against a brick wall. They all refused to speak with me even though I was still the one there by his side even when he was treating me worse than he’s treated ANYONE in his entire life.

Now he is back home and living a purposeful and more honourable life, that angry monster is always just simmering under the surface. My husband was a successful businessman, fantastic athlete and all round great bloke. The change in him has been almost 180 and he’s turned into such a narcissist- it blows my mind. It’s almost as if they want to you detest them so much you won’t miss them as much once he’s gone. I just never though I’d see the day where this is the life we are living. Our beautiful little family has been destroyed by the wreckless and evil things he has done ... but hey we don’t have cancer so apparently we’ll just never understand. Please!! (Insert eye roll). I always though he would have handled his diagnosis in a brave and stoic way ... being strong for is and ensuring we would be ok once he left us. Instead once he leaves, it will be a chance for us to heal 

thank you so much to all the ladies who have shared your stories .. good to know I’m not alone x