My brother just passed.

[Tom123]

 My younger brother just passed away from stage 4 colon cancer that spread to his liver. He was a bloody amazing bloke, super fit and didn't deserve this. He battled through testicel cancer also, at 19 years old that spread and nearly killed him. Im not one to use public forums but Im struggling and wanted to tell my story quickly to see if anyone else is in the same boat.

Im 32, two years older then by brother. Its not just his death at such a young age thats killing me but also the year of torchure and false hope leading up to the end of his life. The treatment was barbarik!! Chemo, radiation, scans, surgeory, pains everywhere, blood clots, needles, failing kidney it never ended and I feel the medical proffesionals in this area know little to nothing about cancer and only give you these horrible options to try and save yourself. Im angry most days and feel a sadness I cant describe every other minute of every day.

My family and I had to watch my fit, strong, happy, cheaky brother fade away to a shadow and take his last breath. All he cared about was trying to do everything he could for my parents, sisters and I because he knew it was all over for him. That broke my heart having to watch and would have given anything to be able to help him.

I love him so much. I have regrets also about time spent together as adults. I cant believe this has happened.

[Katekat]

Morning @Tom123,

I am saddened and sorry to hear of your brother's passing 

Thank you for sharing some of what you are going through right now with us, I am aware it must not have been easy to do so.

If you're feeling up to it, we have a PDF booklet you can download that has been been designed to assist families, friends and carers after someone has passed. It may be of help to either yourself or perhaps your parents and sisters 

[Mai1]

Hi Tom,

I feel so sorry for your loss. One thing I believe that your brother death is for us to learn a loving lesson and perhap we can prevent things happened to us from what had suffered him. My observation on cancer cares in developled countries whose have been at very low rate of success is that most of cancer patients' symptoms before the diagnosis and during treatments in hospitals is low blood pressure (BP). The chemotherapy has been making no supportive to the existing low BP and it has been reducing the life's quality of many patients. Many patients'physical capacity were not supposed to be fit in that kind of treatments but they had no any other option. Why they had so limited number of choices to the treatments for the critical illness that gave them so much in pain? Could they be able to opt out some of the treatments that might not work for them???  Actually I'm original from Vietnam, came to Canada in 1992,  and I had studied Adult Education and Engineering in Toronto. I hope to share with you on what we could learned from the loss...

Regards,

Mai

[Ben42]

Hi Tom I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother I lost my father to colon cancer 2 months ago ... he was my best mate in life and his loss has been very hard to cope with. I looked after him 24/7 for the last 4 months of his life so reading your story of your brother made me want to reach out just so you know people care.. I lost my cousin to cancer as well she was 18 years old. I truly wish you all the best trying to get through this as we both know it's very difficult to say the least .. take care 

[neetisingh]

Hi Tom,

I know how u r feeling,lost my brother this Jan to oesophageal cancer for which he got diagnosed just in sept 2018...by the time it has already spread to his lung n pelvic bone...and just like that in he was gone, my handsome brother was just reduced to a skeleton in the end but he was a fighter never complained of any pain or distress though he had a very strong will power and he just wanted to see his two daughters growing up but all our prayers n faith could not save him in the end. My only consolation is that, he is in a better place and free from all the suffering for it was so painful even to look at him in the end. But his suffering is over and our ... my parents,his wife,his kids n my sister is never ending.....I miss him so much that sometimes it's like I am in physical pain.....people n friends tell me it will get better....I really don't know that....maybe it will get bearable.

[jools]

Hi

[jools]

Hi there my little brother died of cancer 11th august this year, I was there from start to end to care for him, it's so cruel watching what they go threw, we was very very close. Cancer doesn't care who it attacks, race, age, male female, it's evil

[magagie]

Hi Tom,
I hope that you are going OK. It's been a few months now but I bet it's not any easier. It's hard, it's shit and nothing anyone says is going to take away that pain. I've lost too many too young and then myself diagnosed at a young age, it's more painful sometimes watching someone than being the someone trying to be strong for everyone else. I am so sorry he was taken too early and I hope that you don't turn to any bad addictions to cope, seeking professional help when ready can be good and be a safe space to let it all out. Just try and remember that your here, maybe do things for him and make him proud 🙂 I try and hope that some how (I'm not religious) that it gets back to them, or at least I'm here to do it, to fight on in life and to keep strong. (we will always have bad days)
I know it's so hard at such a young age to lose someone and then think why didn't I see them or do more with them why was I so busy etc etc and we can go on forever, they know that you love them and none of us saw it coming, don't regret the time you didn't have but just reflect on the memories you do. I lost my cousin she was only 34 and I was 28 (and just diagnosed) and I went through regret and all sorts of emotions for years, partly because I was going through it now, it's not easy on anyone, and everyone has there own lives and that's ok. Cry and get angry when you need to, don't try to hide your emotions, your pain because it will surface in other ways that are potentially more harmful. I really hope this reaches you or that your doing OK.
Keep fighting through life and we're always here if you need us again. Great place to vent.
Mags

[BJO67]

Hi TOM123

Im so sorry for your loss.

5 weeks ago I lost my partner to pancreatic cancer. He was a healthy man prior to his diagnosis...always had a positive outlook and a great sense of humour.

He had uncontrolled pain for the last year of his life. I am mad and feel so let down by the medical profession.

First he suffered through massive surgery...chemo for months...radiotherapy x2. When his cancer spread to his spine he was told if he didnt have radiotherapy he would be paralysed. Great choice. Allready he was in a frail state after battling for 2 years. He was terrified of a painful death and was assured this wouldnt happen. More lies.....his death was certainly not a peaceful one and yes this was while in palliative care. I have no faith in Drs now and feel huge guilt for his suffering. Watching somebody wasting away and losing hope I will never recover from.

[Livy1]

Hi Tom,

I’m so sorry to hear about what happened to your brother.

Your post really stood out to me because it’s exactly what happened to my older brother.  He was diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer last May and died after only 5 months.

I am so devastated and feel let down by doctors.  Bowel cancer treatment is primitive.  I have constant flashbacks of the pain and suffering my brother went through. 
He was such a decent caring person. He was always nice to everyone.  I was so close him.  It’s killing me 😞

How are you doing now?  Any advice on how I can cope with this terrible grief?

Take care,

Liv