Hi SILLY and welcome, your post fully expresses the two-ing and frow-ing of the mind that cannot be objective about the situation, and, which is, part of the torment - it's not just physical. In fact, as we all know here, the physical stuff is the easiest. For eg, someone does something nice, you wonder if they are doing because they feel sorry for you, if you question it though, you might be labeled ungrateful or something else. But it is nothing of the sort, it really and genuinely is a question about how people see you now - because you truly don't know anymore, (about anything!), and no one seems to be very honest with you.
[How many times was I labeled as feeling sorry for myself because I uttered the question "why did this happen to me?". The question was a genuine enquiry into my circumstances that I may take the necessary steps to take responsibility - at all of 21!! People so quick... it's actually a "condition", it's called victimising the victim]
"It is confusing when thinking about where I stand with some people sometimes. At least many just act as though nothing has changed.Some don't like to ask how things are because it's uncomfortable,others feel they are prying. Sometimes the answers I've given made people uncomfortable ,sometimes I've given the impression all is ok."
It so sums it up. While everyone is getting on with their lives, you are double guessing and questioning everything. It's like living in a fog. I guess it's part of the trauma, kind of detached from everyone. I felt like I was living in a television, for everyone to watch, and secretly amongst themselves place bets on my chances. No one really wanted to connect with me. It was actually something that was happening in their lives. So friggin funny.. My parents didn't visit me in hospital, and my dad I saw never. I remember going to a mechanic who know him who told me that he had heard about my cancer, and that it's really hard on my dad. My dad had been in, sucking up all the sympathy, yet I didn't see him once! Weird, weird stuff...
I am an only child, I imagine sometimes that it would be easier if I had siblings, but then your story here SILLY is not really all that unusual. Brothers and sisters can be very unkind to each other. I think it's about deciding whether you are human, or whether you are an animal. Somehow people are still stuck in a time when it was about survival of the fittest (of the body). That though is the world of animals, humans have souls, and it is that awareness that makes us evolved.