Hi Jewel. I understand what you are going through but it must be harder for you as Mark was your husband and I lost my dad. But he was my best friend and I always turned to him for advice- spoke to him every day and if I had a problem I knew I could always ring him and he would make things better. I wanted him to come and live with me for ages and by the time we moved his stuff here he was back in hospital and he never saw his "new setup" he would have been so happy but he went down hill so fast and never made it to my place.Like you (even the night before he passed) I got taken to ED with chest pain, problems with breathing etc and I have had stroke and 2 small heart attacks but they did all tests and said it was just stress over dad but I know dad would not like to see me like this. Yes I also feel my dad around me all the time and that is comforting but I would give ANYTHING just to have him back for a second but I know that will not happen so I have to deal with that and I am lucky to have 4 grandkids who need me. Every Thurs at 11.12 I cry and think of him(as I do all the time) and family say I'm crazy but I know as long as I think of him he will always be with me.I will be thinking of you over Xmas as I also am dreading it. But please be kind to yourself and think as I do "would he like to see you like this" I know easier said than done but that is what is getting me through. Take care xoxo Chris ... View more

Hi Sammycat. Well I lost my precious dad only 13 days ago and I don't know where I will go from here. At the moment I am lucky to have my grandkids here every day on school hols and I feel that I have to be strong for them but once they go home then the tears start and I wonder if I will ever stop crying. I miss my dad so so much. I know I have beautiful memories of him and I feel him all around me but I just don't know how to let go and I don't want to- I just want him back!!! I am really thankful that my daughter and I slept with him on his last night(as stressful as it was) and we were with him holding his hands when he went but that still doesn't make it any easier. As you said nighttimes are the worst- I wake screaming etc and can't see it getting any better- when does this pain go away if ever. ... View more

Thanks again.At the moment dad is so confused and it is so hard to see him like that. He was down here with me end June and was so great but has really gone downhill since then. Yes I am telling him I love him and he knows that and I think he knows deep down why he can't come home but as I have said to him I will visit daily and even take him for outings if that is allowed but I think he has given up. He has said to my brothers he just wants to close his eyes and go to sleep but he can't as he worries about me. They say I have to tell him it's ok to go but I don;t want him to go. Maybe I'm selfish but I love my dad so much and don't know what to do ... View more

Hi thanks for your kind words and I think you know what I am going through.I am trying to be strong for him but it is so hard as everytime I go in to see him he keeps asking when he is coming to live with me and I have been told that will not happen. I just hope he gets into a nursing home around the corner from me but I won't hold my breath. And I don't think dad will last a week in a home. I just hope he doesn't think I put him there even though my 2 brothers thought it best. Thanks again for your support ... View more

Hi Purpleangels. I urge you to go back to Centrelink and apply for a Carers Allowance. I know of a couple where the wife"cant" get around and her husband gets $106 per fortnight carers allowancI don't think this is right as she seems to be able to do everything. Also my elderely dad who is coming to live with me as he has cancer - I am entitled to the same payment. Anyway it can't hurt to apply and I am sure you should get it. Hope I have been able to help. Take care. Chris ... View more