I just thought I'd offer a word of encouragement- My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma in 2011, has been in remission for 7 years and has never been healthier.  He cycles about 500 km a week, including his commute to and from work, and when the weather is fine he cycles up mountains with his friends for fun! (!!!!crazy, I know!)   One of the things I have learned is that there are many different types of cancer, which have many different health implications, and many different individual responses to it.  You've had a hellish three years, so I can understand your mindset, but your sister will not necessarily follow the same trajectory as the other family members you have lost.  It may be helpful to get some professional advice about dealing with the amount of stress you are under- I found conselling gave me additional coping tools that are still useful today.   Your GP may be a good place to start, particularly if you are vomiting regularly.   I wish you many, many good things. love and hugs, Emily ... View more

Hi, I thought I'd answer because I'm on the other side of the coin, so to speak.  My husband was diagnosed with lymphoma in 2011, and went into remission after 6 months of chemo.  I found returning to intimate activity quite a tricky thing to negotiate, and in fact I wish I had have known about this forum then to make it easier. Assuming your husband is in fairly good health, he's probably raring to go and just waiting for the cue from you, as he probably doesn't want to tire you out or pressure you if you're not ready.  Take things slowly, but take the lead so he knows you're comfortable with what's happening.  In short, I'm sure he would have absolutely  no problems being seduced!  If you can discuss things with him so much the better, but that can be difficult even for happily married couples.    Good luck, and remember the main thing with intimacy is to have fun.   ... View more

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  That is so soon!! No wonder your head and heart are spinning.  Be gentle with yourself.  love and hugs, Emily ... View more

Hi Jessica, you don't sound silly at all, in fact I can relate to what you're saying.  My husband was diagnosed with incurable lymphoma in 2011, and thankfully went into remission after 6 months of chemo.  I was 'fine' while all this was happening.  It was only about 12 months later, when there was no 'carer's to do list' anymore that the reality of what we had gone through had sunk in, and I had a mild break down as I finally had the time and energy to process my grief and fear .  (I had some counselling, which really helped)  I think especially if the acute care phase has been very busy the carer's emotions tend to get processed after the event- it sounds like that's what you're going through.    I also have to confess that as a health care worker I always tend to scent out diagnoses, and the timing of your depression is perhaps explanatory too- did it start after before or after you gave birth?  If it started after, post birth hormones may also be playing a part.  It might be helpful to chat to your GP to see if they think this is the case.    Try to be gentle and understanding with yourself- you are so young to have coped with so much!!  And please keep venting here- we're all here to listen and vent and support each other.  Love and hugs, Emily ... View more

Hi Bmck, such a difficult and painful situation!  Don't worry about what to say, though.  The fact that you are there with your Grandad is the most important thing.  If you really feel stuck for words, you can just say that you don't know what to say- you're Grandad will understand (after all, what is there to say, really?)  Don't be afraid to just listen, too.  I think there's a perception that friends and family members of someone with cancer should have the right words to make everything better, but I think what people really need at that time is for someone to listen while they process their own emotions.  Allow your Grandad to talk while you share a cup of tea or a beer with him, and he'll feel really validated and cared for.  I wish the best of luck to you both.  Emily ... View more

Hi Emilie, I'm glad you found this forum.  Most people on this forum would agree that waiting for test results is one of the hardest things to deal with- the uncertainty is soooo stressful and exhausting.  The only advice I have for you is don't Google!  I know you want as much information as possible (like anyone), but Google won't help at the moment, it will only give you lots of different worst case scenarios to mull over.  If you can keep yourself busy the time will pass, and you will have some concrete information about what you are dealing with (and not dealing with).   I wish you all the best, and let us know how things go!  love, Emily ... View more

Hi Wendy,  I'm glad you found this group, but sorry you needed to join.  Don't worry about how you will cope, or how you will know what to do- when the time comes, you will.  One of the things I learned during my husband's chemotherapy is that you can't cope with the whole process at once, you just have to deal with each day as it come to you.   And you will know how to support your parents, too.  And if you don't, don't forget to ask them!  I think there's a myth that as carers we have to have all the answers and be completely on top of things all the time, but that's only a myth.  As long as you are present in your parents lives you will be helping them, even if you don't always know what to do or say.   The most important thing is that you show up.  I wish all of you the best of luck and many good things.  love and hugs, Emily ... View more

Hi Kelly, and welcome to the club no-one wants to join.  You're asking the important questions- and unfortunately in my experience there are no right answers.  What I've learned about grief (from my personal experience and supporting others through it) is that the best way to handle it is to acknowledge your emotions and give yourself time.   There is no set amount of time it will take for the pain to stop, it's different with everyone.  I'm glad you found this forum, it's a great way to vent and grieve with other people who have had similar experiences to you.  Sending big hugs, Emily ... View more

Hi Erica, I'm glad you've found this site.  As much as family and friends show love and support, it is only people who have been in the situation that trully understand.  Feel free to vent and ask questions whenever you need to.  The Cancer Council may also be able to link you in with some practical support- you may feel it's worth checking out. If you are interested  there is also a facebook page specifially for wives of husband's with cancer.  Quite a few women on there have lost their husbands in the last couple of weeks, and a lot of them are also mothers.  Search for 'Caring for husbands with cancer'.   They are very supportive, but, as it is a worldwide facebook group, they can't offer practical assistance or relevant information about services. I'm hoping you don't feel so alone now, and am sending you a big hug!  love Emily     ... View more

Hi Dee, I'm glad you found this forum.  Sending you a big hug!  Emily ... View more