Hi JR, My heart goes out to you as I read your current experience as it is almost exactly what I'm going through right now too - right down to the detail of your hubby preferring to spend his good days on hobbies in the backyard by himself, rather than spend any time with you. I too can relate to what you wrote about how you would like to spend the last days of my life, spending beautiful quality time with those you love, and I too grieve that this seems not to be what my husband is choosing.  I echo what some of the others have suggested re. self care. It really helps to have good psychologist and a few trusted, patient friends who can validate what you're feeling: that it is extremely painful and not the way you'd prefer things to be playing out. I still struggle with feelings of sadness and grief (and yes - guilt, when I feel angry at my husband's coldness), thinking that my marriage seems to be crumbling apart before I actually lose my husband to cancer. But having a good counsellor and a few close friends who hear and affirm me has been very very helpful. (My counsellor has recommended other strategies for coping too; she doesn't just listen and say "Oh, that sounds so hard.") Thank you, JR, for your courage in sharing your current struggle; reading it helped me a lot, discovering that I am not alone in my experience or feelings. In fact I just signed up to this community too, so that I could respond to your post! I truly hope that you are able to find ways to self-care and be affirmed, not only as a carer but as a person. It's a difficult road, but not one that you need to walk alone. ... View more

Hi Trysta64,   I realise that it might be challenging to expose your feelings to your husband at this time, but I would take the risk and get him to read your post - unedited.   You need him to realise that you are there for him, but you also need him to be there for you. You are partners and so you are in this together. Sometimes the person with the diagnosis just needs a good kick in the backside every now and then - I sure did!   Big hugs to you and good luck with how ever you plan to deal with this.   Rick ... View more

Lampwork54 You are so right in saying we can’t change what has happened,I find I no longer take things for granted,I enjoy life and all it’s uncertainty ,I like seeing my family take on new challenges and their growth along the way.Its great you are going back to Tai Chi and other outings you have to participate in life.Best wishes with your Radiation treatment. ... View more

It is very hard to be the person in charge. You will earn your angel wings and be a better person. This will not be forever.  ... View more

This is a beautiful tribute Neville, Barbara seems like a very special person.  Thanks for posting. ... View more

My husband just received some further bad news, taking away his last glimmer of hope.  We had an appointment today to start the ball rolling for his taking part in an immunotherapy trial.  We have been waiting ages for this only for him to be told during the medical history check that because he has had ulcerative colitis in the past (which apparently is an auto-immune ) he does not meet the criteria for the trial.   Such a blow.  I don't know why they didn't already know this for goodness sake.  I am sure he would have mentioned it on his medical forms for the hospital.  Such an emotional roller coaster, it's so hard. ... View more

Hi Tom   I am sorry to hear about the loss of your brother. My brother is in his last days, however we have been saying that for 2 weeks now, which is wonderful to have him longer than the hospital first thought.   I already feel the guilt of having to move on so fast.  I'm currently moving house and looking for work in my new area, while my brother and my family live interstate.   Being down with them for the past 2 weeks, I also felt the pain of my parents grief and know the hardest part is yet to come.   Thank you for sharing your story, it is a horrible thing that I wish we didn't share in common, but I've been reading the forums off and on through all of this and it has helped.   Sending you love and comfort. ... View more

Hi Chickhens, I'm so sorry both of you are in this situation.   The only advice I have for you is take one day (or even one hour) at a time.  You will cope, and you will do what you need to.  I'm so glad you found this forum, it's a great place to get support and the Cancer Council itself is a wealth of knowledge and practical help.       If you would like something more specific (and are on Facebook) there is also a facebook group called 'Caring for Husbands with Cancer' which is specifically targetted to women in our situation. (My husband was diagnosed with lymphoma in 2011 and has been in remission after 6 months of chemotherapy).  It it really big now (nearly 12000 members from all over the world!) so it's very active and very encouraging and suportive.    Know that you are not alone.  Love and hugs, Emily ... View more

My husband was diagnosed with esophegeal cancer stage 3/4 a year ago. We now have 11 folfox chemo treatments and 5 immunotherapy fusions under our belt, and have a pet scan next week. Not many people have this type of cancer, it is hard for me to find others who are dealing with it. Right now my main focus is chemo anger.....my husband is starting to become physical with me...and I am concerned. Anyone want a pen pal?? I am 66 but very young at heart..... ... View more

Sorry, Also where is or was the the tumour situated in relation to the brain.? Does it effect his motor skills on one side of his body at all ? Does he have seizures at all?   ... View more