My boy friend has upset me so much today I am typing this with tears running down my face. He is at the hospital today and I got all ready to go with him so I can hear what the doctors have to say but he told me he didn't want me to go with him. I was stunned, all I could do was go into my room and close the door. He left without me. I feel he has shut me out completely. I get that he doesn't what to know results of his ct scans ect. but he has to know I want to know. He said he doesn't want to know results because it doesn't change anything. I disagree with that, it changes everything. If they show new tumors its make a difference, if it shows they have shrunk away to nothing it changes everything. Is it just me that thinks this way? I just don't understand why he wouldn't want to know. He worries about what is going on with his cancer I know he does, anyone who looks at him knows. Knowledge eases the mind I would think. I feel like he has changed so much I hardly know him any more. He doesn't tell me anything about how he feels about having cancer. He just won't talk about it. How can you talk to someone who won't talk back to you. sorry to have a rant but I just don't know where to go from here. Please feel free to voice your comments, I could use some help with ideas on how to deal with this. [ ... View more

Hi my partner has secondary cancer in his lung and is on a trial of a new drug. All has been going well for him on the meds but lately he has become so negative about everything, he has always been quite a negative person but lately he has become so much worse and can't even watch tv without ranting about how bad the show is or how wrong something is . I havn't heard him say a positive thing for ages and it is getting me down. I feel bad for feeling like i do at the moment but I can't handle it. I am finding it so hard to cope with so much negativity. Anyone got any ideas to help me? I'm willing to try almost anything to make him see what he is doing, it can't be helping him at all. I suffer with with depression and have most of my life so don't need him making me feel like I do at the moment. It might sound harsh and like I only care for myself but that's not the case at all. I love him dearly and want what time we have left to be as good as we can make it but it can't be a one sided thing. He dosn't like me going to his appointment with him and dosn't tell me what is going on with him. If I don't insist on going with him I don't get to know anything. He tells me knowing the results of scans and tests dosn't help him get better so he dosn't want to know anything, I ask the doctors to tell me and he leaves the room. The trouble is I tell his parents the results ( mostly good results I might add) as they want to know as well and he gets angry if any one says anything to him about it. I just want to be there for him but he is making it so hard for me. I can't talk to him about how I feel, I have tried but it always ends in an argument and then I feel worse and he gets grumpier, if that's possible. And ideas on who to talk to or what I can try to make him a little more positive. ... View more

Hi its a long time since my last blog as things were staying the same but now things have changed.. Daz went to the hospital today and I wish I had of gone with him. His blood pressure is very high and I would have liked to hear what the doctor told him to do about it. He often doesn't tell me everything and prefers to not know test results and things. Not sure why but he says it makes no difference knowing results. When I asked why he told me he is worried they are bad news. I don't understand why he doesn't want to know, I know I want to and would if it was me who had cancer, even the bad news. He is still smoking, I wish he would try to quit again. I know he wants to but he thinks its to hard. I tell him it would soon get easier if he could only stop for a couple of weeks. He has been so grumpy and depressed lately as well. Makes me angry and upset with him because he takes it out on me a fair bit. ... View more

Hi. It been awhile since my last blog because nothing was happening. Daz is starting a trial for a new drug called vemurafenib plus GDC-0973. He will be starting soon, his health checks and scans start on the 30th of august, then he will start the tablets. Not sure how I feel about this but he is happy to take them in the hope they will shrink the new cancers found on his right lung. They found 2 new nodes on his right lung and something in his lymph node in the center of his chest in a ct scan a couple of weeks ago. I didn't know there was a lymph node in the chest, anyway. I just hope this works. Its scary to hear he has more cancers only a few months after they removed the one in his left lung. Does anyone know anything about this new drug? He is on a health kick that I hope lasts as he is feeling so much better after only a couple of weeks. He is still smoking and I don't understand why he hasn't kept trying to quit but at least he has started exercising and eating well. He is eating plenty of detoxing foods like dark fruit, blueberries, ect. ... View more

Still havn't heard from the Melanoma clinic and Darryn won't ring to find out why. We were told two to three weeks and it has been four now. I have told him he should ring the hospital and find out why we haven't heard from them but he just nods his head and doesn't do it. I think its because he doesn't want to know in case it more bad news. He is still always tired and says he is going to quit his job almost daily. I try to be supportive and loving but he makes it hard when he is always grumpy. I have been having problems with my son lately, he is 35 and has Asperger's syndrome and some other problem I tend to think. He quit his job back in October last year and has been living off his savings since then but they have run out now. Because of his inability to manage his money and get bill, rent ect paid I had to organize for the public trustee to manage his money for him, this has been working well until now. He doesn't keep appointment's as a result he hasn't been put back on his disability payment. I am at my wits end with the whole thing. He is a hoarder like you see on tv on those shows with piles of newspapers and empty coke bottles piled high and only a small space where he has to walk to get to the bathroom and places he needs to get to only, re rest of space is taken up with mess. He live in a small one room apartment in the city and only cleans up for his rental inspections. Thank goodness for those inspections. It had been a month and I couldn't reach him on his phone and was getting worried about him so I asked a friend who lives close by to go see if he is ok and find out why I can't get him on his phone. It has died and he has no money to buy a new one so it looks like I will have to get him one. Anyway enough raving about him, he is a man and chooses to live the way he does so how can I change it. Well that got a bit off topic but just needed to write what is on my mind. ... View more

We are still waiting for an appointment at the melanoma clinic. I have told Darryn he should ring the hospital but he is happy to wait. I think its a case of no news is good news or at least he has convinced himself of that, I just hope that's the case. I am finding it hard to wait patiently unlike he seems to be doing. All is good with our relationship at the moment, he is starting to open up to me about his feelings a little so I guess I am doing the right thing in letting him come to me instead of asking him how he is. He admitted he has been feeling depressed a lot of the time and realizes that it is most likely the biggest cause of his constant tiredness. I am happy that he knows this now. He is still smoking and it seems to be more and more often but he still is trying to hide the fact he is smoking so I will leave it like this as if I let him know I know he is smoking he might smoke more. At least if I am around him he doesn't smoke. Still hoping he will quit when he is ready. ... View more