September 2020
1 Kudo
I knew it! AFL! Go for a Harley Davidson style scarf. If anyone gives you the pity look, you can give them a sinister greezy look, make there scared you'll kick their arse(s). This is my Sally. She's been helping me to cure my cancer. We have a pact. If I go first, she's going to howl at my funeral. If she goes first, I'm gonna howl at hers. cheers
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September 2020
1 Kudo
Hi Alone Queen Let's talk... Subject #1 - What poison are the feeding you these days? Mine was Oxaliplatin and Capcetabine. Subject #2 - Rugby or AFL? cheers Phil
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September 2020
1 Kudo
Hi Jade The prognosis so far is good. And the further I get from treatment, statistically speaking, it's improving. I come to terms with it early. Just accepted that if my number is up, that's it. Surprisingly enough, it wasn't good enough for the people around me. I kind of stopped living for myself and set my goals on being here for them. That was my mental fight against cancer and it was an easy win. With that said, surviving the treatment was its own battle. Chemo was cruel and kept sending me to hospital. My body didn't cope with it. The outcomes of surgery are a constant reminder of what I went through. Although I consider myself lucky compared to what others have gone through. So I try not to play the pity violin too much. I focus on doing things that make me happy and try to put the past behind me. Quite optimistic for a long future, but certainly not taking it for granted. I don't my head will let me. I suppose you are now on a major roller-coaster with your latest news. When you try to think of something supportive to say to people in your situation, you get a lot of repetitive and polite sentiment. I've been on the receiving end of that and I kind of think it's funny to watch people dance around their own tongues. So I'll just be blunt. That really socks! I don't know you very well, but I am saddened to learn of your worsening condition. Reach out any time you want to beat up on life, fairness or consequence. If it helps, I could write you a poem. Take care Phil
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September 2020
3 Kudos
Hi Ginger I noticed that you've been on line pasting hearts around the place. Still dancing? I know I am.
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September 2020
2 Kudos
Hi Suz It's a long time since I started this post. A lot has happened. I am post chemo, post stoma reversal and post my 12 month colonoscopy (despite Covid19 delaying it by 3 months). I have distant memories of my stoma. Post stoma brings on it's own issue and has you wanting it back. It makes you quickly forget about the issues of stomas. However, when I reach into the vault, it all comes back. Leakage was my biggest fear. I had about 2 to 3 hours sleep between bag alarms. I struggled a lot at the start because I had trouble getting a seal around the stoma. It took a long time to work out what worked for me. After I cracked that, it all got better, but my main concern then become controlling diet which was also tricky with the chemo. If the bag filled up with fluid or gas, that was high risk leak situation. It's like a high pressure balloon. I ended up finding a good ring seal. I had to order a large one and cut it to size. I could wrap it closely around my stoma which was a figure 8 shape. It really cut down on my leaks. In the meantime, I'm cancer free and things are improving generally. Tests are continuing and hopefully they won't find anything in the future. Good luck with your stoma care. I hope you get some better sleep. cheers Phil
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September 2020
3 Kudos
Hi Jade Three weeks and you've got just one hug. When I joined this forum last year, it seemed really popular. Activity seems to be waning. Don't worry. It's not you. Sorry to hear about your condition. I'm at the point where you were. Had my treatment. Things are looking good, but the future is still uncertain. My obvious concern is getting the bad news. what is your next treatment step? cheers Phil
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September 2020
Hi folks I have just hit the 15 month mark. I celebrated with another colonoscopy. I known champagne, beer or cake are more common celebratory methods, but not for me. No sir. A good solid week of bowel preparation and a camera up the butt is the best way to celebrate. Had it not been for a global pandemic, I'd have had it on the 12 month anniversary. Better late than never. So, post colonoscopy, what can I say? I'm still cancer free. Also my recent blood works came back clear as well. The surgeon got to check out his handy work... from the inside, so he's happy. It wasn't all good news. They found a new polyp which was removed, so it shows that they are going to just keep coming. I'll be going through the process for the rest of my hopefully long life. Still, it can't take away the positive news. I hope others are getting some reassuring news. all the best folk!
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July 2020
3 Kudos
Hi folks One year ago today, I underwent surgery to remove a cancerous section of my bowel. Apart from having my tonsils out about 40 odd years earlier, this was my first surgery. A little chemo, a second surgery and a whole lot of adaptation in the meantime; and here we are, a whole year down the track. What am I doing a years later? Still adapting. Things aren't the same and most likely won't be, but I'm dealing with them. I am working fulltime. I really haven't stopped working. I had a small gap between jobs at the end of chemo. Had a few weeks off around surgery and chemo made it hard to stay at work for more than 50% of the time. Fortunately, work was lenient and supportive during that period. Then my next job, I worked completely from home which was lucky I guess, as I was physically house bound. As I started getting past that period, I moved to another job, which helped get me back into working in an office in the city, but then Covid sent us all home to work. I think the big takeaway from this period is that while I was ill prior to my diagnosis and all through my treatment, I felt like I was under performing and lost confidence in myself as a professional. It was one of the more degrading challenges I faced during that period. Approaching 50, lacking confidence and slipping behind the professional capabilities. Now, five months into my current role, I feel like I am bouncing back. I have been putting in a huge effort, picking up new skills and gently pushing back into a leadership space. I think it has been very beneficial for the employer, but for me, in general, the confidence boost has been tremendous. How is my recovery? My surgical scars itch and hurt. Especially the last few days. Like they are wishing me a happy anniversary. Since the whole thing started, twelve months ago, I've now had more time without a stoma than I did with a stoma. I used to call my stoma Pepper. Now I just call the scar Pepper. Physically, I'm cancer free, though the jury is still out and I've just had another blood test in preparation for my next oncologist visit. I've also just been booked in for my next colonoscopy, so my surgeon can checkout his handy work. The further I get away from the treatment with no indicators, the better the odds are for being declared cured, so each blood test, scan or other is greatly welcomed. Ultimately, it doesn't feel like I'm recovering from cancer. I'm recovering from treatment. I think I've recovered from all the chemo side affects I'm going to. My fingers and toes still tingle a bit. I suspect my circulatory system has suffered, which I want to explore with the GP and oncologist some more. I had the ostomy for five months. Been without it for seven months. Recovering from reconnecting a bowel, which hasn't been used for five months, takes a couple of months. As I mentioned earlier, I was housebound. Progressively getting more manageable, but some days are diamonds... some days are stone. It would be nice to be more routine, but I've succumb to the idea that old normal is dead and the new normal is more chaotic. Mentally, after dealing with the fact that I had cancer and a big change was ahead, I went into it with a positive attitude and a lot of support from loved ones. However, finding out that chemo had been put on the table and the stoma would stay until after chemo, that was a kick in the guts. Then every chemo treatment, instead of walking in the door, I could have so easily turned around and walked out. I feel nauseous just recalling how negative I felt going in there. At the end of it all, I expected to be happy and celebrate, but I wasn't and didn't. It was depressing and anti-climatic. I felt like I was getting it wrong. I should be happy about it, but I just wasn't. Then after my second surgery, I expected to be getting back to normal and everything went down hill. It felt like it would never get better. That period was worse than the chemo period. Rounding out the end of my twelve months, I have gone through several periods of depression. I think a mixture of uncertainty with pending tests and final outcomes; and the inability to workout what normal now is. Taking out a section of bowel changes how things work. On top of that, my wife went through a traumatic experience of her own, massive summer bush fires all around and then Covid19. But if I put all that aside, I think I am just bitter and angry that I got cancer in the first place; and that I had to go through the treatments. And that is weird, because there is no one to be angry at. So what's next? More tests. More scans. More colonoscopies. Hopefully a clean bill of health. Hopefully, settling down into some more habitual routines. I have to get a hip replacement at some point. I'll make sure I can stem that off I know I am cancer cured. If the cancer returns, I'd rather invest the time and money in going fishing. I'll keep trying to improve professionally. In the IT world, things are always changing and you can't afford to slip behind. Hopefully next year I'll get back into competing in rallies and the Camp Quality Escarpade. Hopefully even secure an entry in the ShitBox rally. I THINK I QUALIFY NOW! Well! That's it. My twelve month journey. How does my twelve month journey compare to yours? All the best cancer dudes and dudettes. Cheers Portly Phil
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May 2020
2 Kudos
Hi Cap Sorry. I had to follow-up your long, long post with something really short. Succeeded. But ditto... same learning curve as me and I guess the majority of people learning to play an instrument. I shall impart some important tips to help you on your journey. 1. Warm up before you play. Massage, stretch and wiggle your wrists, hand and fingers. Athletes warm up before performing, practice and exercise. Musicians should do the same. Let your mind warm up and get in the zone. Warm up your instrument before you try anything serious. You will perform better when your mind, hands and instrument are zoned in as a unit. Once warmed up you must Exercise, Practice and Play. In that order. 2. Tune your instrument. Continuous tune it as you play. Tune in your voice to match the guitar. When your instrument sounds good, you are more inspired than when it sounds out of tune. When you sing along, it will help improve your singing in key. if either sound bad, you will be less enthusiastic about playing. 3. Music has rules. Timing, tuning, harmony, playing in key, sitting position, holding position, hand position, fingering position, etc. When you practice, keep a strong discipline. Stick to the rules... ALWAYS. 4. Rules were made to be broken. When you are playing music, break any rule that makes it sound right. But never break rules for practice or exercise. Practice with your mind. Play with your soul. 5. ALWAYS tap your foot when you play. Tommy Emanuel's #1 rule. 6. Learn your fret board. This is hard, but learning to count or the alphabet is harder. It seems hard at first and difficult to remember. Practice 5 minutes every day to memorise where notes are. Test yourself daily. Before too long, muscle memory will find the locations before you consciousness tells you where the notes are. A good tip... it's a number of repeating patterns. You learn how to find it, not where to find it. 7. Practice scales and chord structure 5 minutes every day. understand where to find notes in key by a pattern. Learn the different keys, their origin and where they are used. Learn basic chord structures and understand what makes different chords such as 6s, 7s, add 9, 9s, 11s etc. Understand when chords are in certain keys. 8. Practice techniques. Playing in tempo, finger picking, up and down pick methods, forming chords, chord changes, coordinating left and right hands, numbing strings, playing scales, etc. Practice techniques very slowly and accurately. Focus on achieving the desired goal without mistakes. Try to learn the right way only. Try to not learn the mistakes. Speed will increase naturally. 9. When practising playing in tempo, keep temp always. if you make a mistake, don't break tempo. Just keep playing. the mistake is in the past. focus on getting the next part in the correct timing. Use a metronome or backing track when you practice. it will vastly increase you ability. keep tapping your foot the whole time to zone your body into the tempo. 10. Leaning to play a song is not practice. but treat it like practice. take it slow and stick to the rules. Focus on playing well before fast. speed will come naturally. Always learn to play music you like which you enjoy playing. When you can play it, break the rules and make it your own. 11. When playing, find a song that matches your mood. It will resonate. If you don't like the mood you're in. Play something in the mood you want to be in. 12. People who make fun of you or criticise your sound. Ask them to be constructive and not make fun. if it doesn't work, play and sing louder and don't let anyone silence you. Sing and play with confidence. Catch 22. If you play without confidence, you won't sound as good. People won't enjoy hearing you. Play with confidence, you may be embarrassed but you will sound better. You should be embarrassed to play without confidence. You will never stop learning, but one day you'll know you are not a student. You've become a musician. I am currently learning blues techniques played by Robert Johnson and Johnny Shines. I'm struggling and I've felt like a musician for twenty years. There is always something new to learn. Practice every day and the learning will happen quickly. Practice once a week and it will take much longer. Cheers Portly Phil
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