Blogs - Page 175

A blog is a shared online journal where people can post diary entries about their personal experiences. You can post a new blog entry using the buttons on the right side of this page or view the list of latest blog entries below. You can also filter these using the blog labels to find those in similar situations to you.
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Today my husband starts second line chemo for extensive small cell lung cancer which they say is in his liver now. I don't know how he is going to get through this, and I don't think somehow the doctor does either. He sleeps for almost 15 hours and sometimes more on any given day and eats very little. This is our chance for more time. It is funny when they give the option of 'more time'. Do they think that this time is quality. I get tired of hearing about making every day count and doing exactly what you want. How can we do that when he can hardly do anything without being exhausted?
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Not sleeping too well is tiring for me as I go to sleep at 4am. My son Stuart is going head on with his opinions. He says to me to let your breast go as it has gone and get on with it. He wants his old mother back he says the way I was before the cancer. My husband is quite empathic and tries to help where ever he can.
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I like my counsellor and I feel encouraged that she thinks I'm going well. But I know that sometimes she has misses the point I am trying to make which makes me doubt her. Also, I think the more I get to know her the more I feel reluctant to bring up embarrassing or awkward things or things that will make me cry. Just because while things have been going well lately she has become a bit more like just a person who I chat to instead of a person who tries to say helpful things while I cry buckets of tears of terror.
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Today I drove past the park where I was the evening before I found out I had cancer. It really bugged me. I am not sure why as I have driven past that park plenty of other times since. Usually I drive by and don't even notice but today it made me remember. I was thinking just the other day that my cancer is now something that is in the past. That I was finished with it. So, it annoyed me that it can still come back to bite me when I'm not expecting it.
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The miidle of May 2010 I laid on my bed and decided to exam myself and found that I had a lump in my right breast. It was pyhsically hard when touched and I didn't like it so I visited my GP two days later. He sent me for a mammogram and a ultrasound. The first time before meeting the surgeon on the first appointment at the Northern Hospital in Victoria I was saying to myself I didn't have breast cancer and also said to myself "why I am here in this hospital?" I had to meet this surgeon and my specialist sent me for a byopsy.
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Sometimes I just wonder where life will lead us and how long the journey will take. My husband is approaching the 2 year anniversary of his GBM diagnosis - its been a bumpy road but we have also had normality and in some ways I feel we are lucky that this has been the case. He still works , yet can't drive, we go out and socialise and accommodate our life to his limited mobility, we spend time together and time apart, we argue - all normal ! He is about to commence his 19th dose of Temodal with one more to follow - then the oncologists suggests we stop as his body needs the rest.
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