Blogs - Page 268

BC, I rarely went to the doctor. Things always had a way of working themselves. Nagging coughs eventually went away. Funny neck pains and head aches would slowly ease off with a massage or a hot pack. A cold was just a cold. Now I continually question myself. Is this pain in my shoulder just a muscle strain? Of course it is, my rational brain tells me. It only hurts with certain movements. Is this funny pain in my side just a bit of a cramp? Of course it is. You had it before you had cancer and the CT scans have indicated a small hernia. It's probably that. Nothing to worry about.

I wrote this a month or so ago...thought I would share with you here. :D Many of my posts on this blog have been about my own personal experiences on this journey as a cancer survivor. With my dear husband’s okay, this post is dedicated to my beautiful husband and wonderful children who not only lived this occasional anxiety driven journey but who also dodged and lived through the collateral damage and debris that such a journey can bring.

Yesterday I had a colonoscopy and what was supposed to take approx 15 mins took well over an hour and I still am so tired tonight. What is really concerning me is that I have to go again next week (and have same yuck 3litre prep again) for a CT Colonography. I have sine read on internet that this is to tell how advanced cancer is. Doctors told me nothing except after I came out they were feeling my tummy and kept asking "do you have any right shoulder pain" to which I said no. As I have to have this CT thing does that mean I have bowel cancer!!!!

For the last 2 or 3 weeks, I have felt lower than any other time in my life. I have had depression before, but I found I could not stem the flow of tears, everything and anything set me off. I took advice from this forum and went to see GP . Got the happy pills, but as we know, they don't work straight away. However, I woke up yesterday feeling a lot more cheerful because of three things that happened.

It starts with my pre-cancers. All fixed, feel lucky they were pre-cancers and not anything worst. Life goes on. A small op and they are behind us. Marriage struggles through this. I am not supported. Good thing I am strong. Can get through with some help from friends. More pain. Cysts on ovaries. Couple more ops. Bigger ones this time. Longer recuperation. No support from T. Even met with anger, I did this deliberately?? Kids watch all this. Friends awesome, as always.

As you all know my dad has cancer and I have been trying to get him to move down with me but NO success. I feel he is getting worse every day and I feel so helpless as I don't know what to do anymore. And to make matters worse I am having colonoscopy for bowel cancer on Thurs and last night I found out my sister in law has advanced breast cancer and has to have mastectomy in 2 weeks( my brother has already lost his first wife to a brain cancer). Does it ever stop. I have gotten to the stage where when the phone rings I fear answering it as there is possibly bad news!!.