Blogs - Page 267

A blog is a shared online journal where people can post diary entries about their personal experiences. You can post a new blog entry using the buttons on the right side of this page or view the list of latest blog entries below. You can also filter these using the blog labels to find those in similar situations to you.
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Happy Mothers Day and here's to us For making it through another year For celebrating life For opening our hearts and taking risks For the heartbreaks For the cancer explanations to our kids For the days we just had to keep on going For taking care of Mum For being a Mum For taking Mum's place For the meals and the laundry For the hugs and the tears For not giving u To us To you Happy Mothers Day xoxox Teach
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Tomorrow is Mothers day and my brother and his family are coming for dinner along with the rest of my family. I almost had a panic attack that he may not come as I fear that it may be the last Mothers day we share. I feel guilty even thinking this as I am trying to stay strong with the belief that he will overcome this disease and he will be the miracle. Fear and Hope both compete for the front position in my mind. I hope with all my heart that my brother and I have many more years together but I fear that we will not.
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Today, I went to the lake for a walk. I cried. I cried not because of unhappiness, not because I am angry but because I am still a human being. I am much more calmer, focus but still need the space and time on my own. I suddenly realised that no matter what we try. It all depends on how my husband's body act against the cancer cells. There is absolutely nothing I can do or offer to help. (as previously said he is not interested on any fruit/vegetable drinks, any religions group, any special cancer programs) I just have to leave it to the Nature to take the load.
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It is nearly end April. My husband will have his 4th round of AVISTAN this Wed. His cancer marker went further down to 437 two weeks ago. The oncology aims to get it down to 100. It will only be of a control management, I guess (continuous chemo but no surgery). It is ANZAC day that we went to the city to join a few beers with the pipe band members. He has 2 beers, felt really tired but was very pleased when friends came to say hello to him. I understand we have to accept what's happening and to deal with the process one day at a time. It is just very difficult to do, that's all.
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