Blogs - Page 291

These are going to be the ramblings of a very scared woman who, when spoke of her fear was 'reassured' that there was nothing to worry about and that everything would be fine!. On Friday I have my first CT Scan since starting chemotherapy on 20 October.I have experienced the occasional pain in my stomach and liver, but this morning I had very severe pain in my stomach and I vomited - the first time in 3 months.

Sailor went to church today, a thing he has been known to do from time to time. As someone born in the first half of last century I am a traditionalist and enjoy traditional hymns, a good pipe organ and the reflections. One of the hymns sung, as it was the first Sunday in the New Year, was written by Dietrich Bonnhoeffer for New Year 1945. He was in prison and knew that the Nazi’s would shortly execute him. The second verse for some reason set me thinking about this site and the many people for whom the New year brings uncertainty. I put it here with no further comment.

Hi All

This past week my hubby has been on holidays with family. I booked him a ticket on the spur of the moment, although we did not really have the money. He has been given the all clear to go back to work and I thought this will be his last opportunity for a long while. Also I thought our marriage would end if I did not have some space really really soon. I feel so guilty feeling that way but he is like a thunder storm, constantly. My teenage children are talking of leaving and even my seven year old was misbehaving out of frustration.

Does anyone out there find it so hard to be happy for others when deep down us as cancer patients have to struggle with fear,mortality,reoccurance etc....? I as a breast cancer survivor (age of diagnosis 31) find it very difficult to come to terms with people so shallow,self absorbed,moving on with ther lives with plans such as having a family and not worrying and dealing with cancer all the time, while my life is in a TIME WARP.... Is this a normal feeling i am feeling? I just want to know anyone who feels this way or has felt this way at anytime?

After reading Sailors' blog about 'not doing opiates', I decided to tell my opiate experience and CATS does not do opiates either!! Ketamine. Morphine. Oxycontin. Welcome to my nightmare. Breathing tubes, breathing masks - waking after hours of drug induced sleep - confusion, pain, panic, terror, pushing people away, crying, clawing the air - "NO" I scream; "PLEASE DON'T PUT THAT ON ME". "It's for your own good". How many times would I hear those 3 terrifying words - your own good?