Blogs - Page 235

Yeah, I know. It is 6.04am. But I am up early and have a cup of coffee in my hand and don't have to do anything at all today. I just wanted to say how useful I found the list of hints for handling the holiday season. It's on the home page here. I constantly grapple with the energy in-energy out equation. Some days I am way out and it takes many days to recover. Other days I get so much done because I have decided to do nothing. It's very strange and kind of hard to get used to. But there it is. There I am. Here we are.

I ate something bad this morning and puked it up. I know it's just had food but after the last 6 months, this feeling is a little scary. A friend of mine in the US got through treatment completely stoned. It's been 10 years for him and I often winder whether or not it's better to be high through it all. I'm still bald. It's only been 2-3 weeks since the last chemo. I've pretty much distracted myself with bad DVDs ... Or at least they feel bad now that I'm sick... Which is ok. I know that this is just bad food.

I haven't spoken to anyone since I finished treatment about much. I obviously have a lot on my mind or else I wouldn't be here as an anonymous blogger. I'm due to see a CBT psych next week. She's a woman who has an ideal way of being for you to work towards. I'm at the stage where I'm too tired to live in fear. It's unsustainable. I've spoken to 2-3 young survivors of lymphoma. One who went through it 10 years ago. It really helps to meet other young adult survivors. I'm still young medically speaking.

When I was first diagnosed, I didn't know how I'd cope. People said I was really brave, positive and strong. I really had no option but to be. I had to be open to everything including the idea one's frame of mind plays a role in survival. I took a lot of lorazepams to deal with my anxieties, but I did meditate and force myself to look at what I still had going for me.

I've just come out of treatment for Stage 4 Primary Mediastinal Diffused B Cell Lymphoma (PMBCL). It falls under Non-Hodgkins, but is it's own little category of lymphoma as the histology of the disease isn't strictly NHL. The prognosis is good and I'm learning to live without fear, and to make the most of the second chance my doctors gave me. It's been less than 2 weeks out from my discharge from hospital following a week long stint post final cycle due to febrile neutropenic state. I was actually cytopenic - all the cells were down. Penic. I like that word.

The Following came through from the Health Issues Centre weekly Bulletin. some of you may already receive it so I apologise of you have it already. However, for those of us who appreciate slightly dark humour, I thought this would add to the collection. Effective immediately, the following economy measures are to take place in the "Twelve Days of Christmas" subsidiary: • The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree never turned out to be the cash crop forecasted. It will be replaced by a hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance.