Blogs - Page 258

The following was found by an elderly friend of mine in the Bible of his older sister after she had passed away from breast cancer. He belongs to a family where there is a strong family link for breast cancer. I am passing it on. Cancer is Limited Cancer is so limited It cannot cripple love It cannot shatter hope It cannot corrode faith It cannot eat away peace It cannot destroy confidence It cannot kill friendship It cannot shut out memories It cannot silence courage It cannot invade the soul It cannot reduce Eternal Life It cannot quench the Spirit

My girl friend of 17 years was diagnosed wtih bowel cancer in November 2009. In February this year secondary cancer was discovered in her liver and in May she lost the fight due to liver failure. Its less than 2 months and no doubt peole are trying to look out for but but just about eveyr conversation starts with "how are you doing? It seems the dumbest question in the world and how do you give people an answer? Do they really want to know that most nights I cry myself to sleep?

I am not coping very well, the pain and anguish I feel is unbearable most days, I seem to be swinging between relentless crying, dry retching, to zombie state. I have been to the Doc to get some antidepressants - god knows if it is the right thing I want as they don't seem to work either. The loneliness is overwhelming, I can't believe he has gone, I keep hearing his voice and seeing his face...... I cannot sleep in our bed anymore, it exacerbates the loneliness and if I do sleep , my night is full of nightmares. I feel like my life is a nightmare 24/7 now.....

Hi I am so angry tonight - and upset - and stressed - and now that the initial strong feelings are starting to pass I am feeling a little sad and worried. What am I going to do, now there is even more uncertainty in my life. I have been struggling with my workplace since returning in late November. I had gone back too soon after my treatment finished. It had only been three weeks and I wasn't coping emotionally or physically. I was on a back to work program but it was just too hard. Also I was driving in and that too was taking it's toll.

It Is my cancer anniversary today. One year ago today I went to the emergency department of my local hospital and that one trip was the very start of this huge roller coaster ride I have been on for the past year!

Thanks for the comments and for reading my blatherings. You are very kind :) So, today presented a new realisation by way of work. I have recently started a new job packing tea. Sounds menial but I am getting great joy from the pleasant work environment and the chances at physical and mental challenges that only come from repetitive, low stress tasks. eg: "I packed 4kg's of tea in 1 hr, lets try for 6 this time, if I do it, I'll shout myself a pie for lunch. Yay".