Blogs - Page 125

i feel guilty.. guilty that i want this to be over... guilty that i feel relieved when im alone now.. i know i'l regret it when it happens but im constantly worrying about him, worrying he wont take meds... worrying about when his next 'tantrum' will errupt... he is no longer emotinally available to me.. yet i have to be to him and myself and both families! its crazy... am i wrong for saying that? i cant stop feeling guilty and i hate it.. when i find myself doing something and relaxing my mind thinks 'oh no how can u be happy when he is at home in agony..".. hmmm

This is just a little story or statement i guess you could say of my experience with having 'c'....the word doesnt scare me its the whole reminding me all the time bit.hehe

I want to see if cancer connections can help my kids adjust to me living with cancer. We have moved from out west to have access to better services and have left a happy life and friends behind to start again which is really hard on them all.

We have our first holiday, in 2 days time, since hubbys GBM diagnosis 11 months ago. I haven't let myself get excited as I have been too concerned that we may not make it. So here I am with two days to go unpacked and feeling rather anxious. I won't relax till I'm on the boat with hubby next to me as our kids fight over who sleeps where. Little milestones keep us going.

ok.. so he's now on morphine injections, fentynal patches and a whole bunch of other stuff.. the yucky symptoms of vomiting and pain have now settled so he's just ultra drowsy and they say this will wear off... palliative nurses are being called in and everyone including me is freaking out.. we know what palliative means.. can people honestly go on for a while and live as normal as they can on strong pain medication?

Im finding it very hard to controlling my emotions around my mums cancer, I lost it in class last week during a class exercise? Does anyone else feel like this?