Blogs - Page 271

Hi again to all the oldies and a big welcome to all the new people on this site. I have not been around for awhile. It is hard to catch up with what has been happening with everyone as there has been so much written. I hope everyone is doing ok. I am up and down and will probably come back shortly with a blog asking for advice as I am experiencing a few problems. But for now this is just a big 'Hello again from Willow'.....xo

Whilst visiting with my Dad yesterday, he got a much welcomed visit from a very old and dear friend of his. For the first time since this whole nightmare began, my Dad was happy. He laughed and relaxed and some of his old spirit returned. It was so wonderful to see. There is something to be said for happiness therapy, if only it could make the cancer go away. I just want him to be as happy as he can for as long as possible, a small wish in the scheme of things. You would think the universe would allow those in this kind of situation that.

I've been in a very big hole lately. For a while I was happy to just sit at the bottom, in the darkness, in the quiet, alone. I took time to contemplate what had happened, what is happening and what might happen. I took time to think about what will happen, don't know when, not quite sure how. I did what I had to do, the very basics to keep our family fed and clothed. The housework had to wait. The kids didn't get bathed every night, sometimes we got take-away. I wasn't interested in communicating with people. I slept when I could, I have been feeling so tired.

I'm writing because I want to know the answer to that question. Sometimes I am so close to knowing I can reach out and grab it, other times it has vanished inside a fog of chemicals, memories, daily routines and tiredness. So I'm writing to try and reconnect with what I really think. I doesn't matter quite where I start, either. I've found along the way that for me it's best to just start writing and see what happens. It's like putting the kettle on. Well, sometimes I do forget to put water in and we all know what happens then. But mostly I get a cuppa out of it.

After much yelling at doctors for an answer - I found out yesterday the name of the insidious disease my Darling is suffering from - "linitis plastica" otherwise known as "Leather Bottle Stomach" - It seems it is so rare here in Australia they don't know how to treat it and so he will be a guinea pig for their fumbling and bumbling. Bless his soul- he doesn't have a chance when THEY don't even know how to look after him.... 😞