Blogs - Page 114

So its been one month since my beautiful man earnt his wings early... and to be honest ive been feeling ok considering. Its almost like i feel like im doing something wrong because i have been ok.. dont get me wrong im not runing along picking daisys but im not in bed crying my eyes out every single day... i do still have those days but i feel like i want to see life now.. if anything he taught me to stop moping around and start living. I feel so sad when i see his photo or soo very sad seeing our wedding pictures but then i can hear him say 'come on you'l be ok'..

Been a hard day and just feel like I need to scream! Withdrawal sucks sucks sucks! I've just gotta keep going..... I've already gotten off endone, dexamethasone, prednisone. Down to 5mg of oxycontin at night....... Had a fight with my hubby..... Sucks as we don't fight often! Through this while process we have been so supportive of each other. But today I let him down, I made a stupid decision that affects him too and I didn't even consider his needs! I'm disappointed in myself for being so selfish :'(

Its been a month or so since I last updated, Ben has had his follow up appointment with the oncologist & is now medication free. No sleeping tablets or dex. The doc advised no growth, which is awesome news but Ben has gone the complete opposite. About a week before the doctor appointment he started to sleep more, and be a bit dizzy. We mentioned this to the oncologist but he didn't seem to worry- just mentioned to me to watch for him acting strange, and drunk like. If that is to occur, he would have to have a shunt put in his brain.

Its my birthday today... and im sad 😞 my first birthday without my beloved husband... he wouldve woken me up with kisses and cuddles and made me breakfast in bed... this time last year we were in new york having the time of our lives.. now im alone and missing him so badly... :'( its been four weeks... still so raw and fresh... i just want to get this week over and done with... i hope this time next year i will be typing a different blog... :(