Blogs - Page 90

We are still waiting for an appointment at the melanoma clinic. I have told Darryn he should ring the hospital but he is happy to wait. I think its a case of no news is good news or at least he has convinced himself of that, I just hope that's the case. I am finding it hard to wait patiently unlike he seems to be doing. All is good with our relationship at the moment, he is starting to open up to me about his feelings a little so I guess I am doing the right thing in letting him come to me instead of asking him how he is.

I just came home from a service at a church I've been going to for 17 years, and felt completely disconnected. The minister asked people to think of the last traumatic thing that had happened to them (for a sermon illustration), then drew a lesson from it- the assumption seemed to be it was something like job insecurity or relationship problems.

Coming out the otherwise of teatment is a hard time filled with confusion, frustration, extreme emotions, reflection and sometimes just plain chaos...... We cannot label our emotions and filter out thoughts to make sense. Sense in itself is lacking and we reflect and dissect to make it understandable when sometimes we cannot.

My boyfriend has quit quitting, he is smoking again, I am so worried, he has developed a cough and sniffles a lot, I think its because he is smoking again but cannot say anything to him because he snaps my head off every time I try to say anything to him about it. He seems to think because the cancer removed from his lung turned out to be melanoma that smoking is ok and he has to stay out of the sun and all will be well. How can anyone think it is ok to smoke.

I'm writing today as I think it's easier sometimes to cope. I got told a month ago that there is nothing more the doctors can do so I'm now classed as in curable. I'm undergoing Pallative treatment as my cancer has now spread to my liver, bones and lungs. How do you fit a lifetime into a few months? I have only had a few meltdowns as I'm actually angry that my life is going to end. I'm still young and have so much to look forward too. I look at my children and of course you do the whole 'Why do I have to be so lucky'.

Had a great Mother's Day with my husband and family. My husband has had two lots of chemo so far he has a week off then starts again. I go along felling really positive and confident that he is going to beat this, then I hit a low point were you think what if he doesn't. I don't think I could manage without him. I wish someone could tap us on the shoulder and say don't worry every thing is going to work out ok.